honey

hmmm...where to begin.so much to say but i do not want
to say anything that i have said before and did'nt
come through.first thing that i must tell you is i am
sorry and that i love you,maybe even more than the
first time that we were together.

when you think of me you think of all the lies and
drugs.when i think of you i think of all the love that
we once had together and the love that i feel when we
are together.

i want to tell you that i have changed.you are saying
how.i will try to explain it to u.when we were young
and met,i was very innocent.i am only seeing it now
that i have changed in the sense that the person i was
becoming was not who i am or who i want to be.i was
very much in love and never did bad things.

over the years i never meant to hurt you.now that i am
sober i can see how terrible i was and what i was
becoming and i must change that.

when i think of you i think of the good old days and
the fun that we had when i put you first above
all.above all.you were enough for me then and u still
are and always will be.

i know i can never go back and change the things that
i have done and if i could,i would without even a
split second to think of it.

when i think of you i start to sweat.i get nervous and
begin to get a cold sweat. i hate this felling.i can
only imagine what i put you through.i want to show you
the old me,the real me, the me that you've loved and i
hope continue to love.

like i said on the phone about what dorissa said i
cant imagine me with someone else.very bold statement
considering what i have done.can you picture yourself
with someone else,having little blonde blue eyed curly
haired kids with.i cant and to think of spending it
with anyone else.

i want to start doing the old things with you and even
some new things as well. i just recently went to have
coffee at the rockaberry's and i could go again.

i think that if i never started taking those drugs we
would have the best realtionship on the planet.what do
u think.

our problem was never you and i it was when the drugs
came in to play.
me + you=HAPPINESS
me+drugs+u=problems

i think that you and i having a past is a good
thing.when i think of u i cant think of one thing that
you did that bothered me.even though i was hurt with
the jeff incident.i cant even remember being mad at
you.time healed that perfectly.
you might say thet time will heal this but i fell that
i have to show you how i have changed.i am very far
from being finished changing that is for sure but
these changes are going to be for the better.

i also want to start listening to you and stop being
so inloved in my life.i want to take an interest in
your life.

i want to make this work so bad that i am even willing
to call your father and brother and talk to them.
i do not want to fuck around anymore and i want to
prove that to you i want to be mushee with you and
have a pet name for you.take oyu out to dinner and
treat you like you deserve to be treated.

not only for two weeks but forever.6 monthes ago would
you have thought i would have opened my bussiness?no!i
tell you that you are my driving force to succeed in
life.you make me want to do better.it might sound
cheesy but "you complete me sylvia"
i want to show u
not only that but i want to complete you most of all.i
want to give you back everything that i took from you
ten times over.

you know that when i was in my bed trying to sleep a
couple of weeks ago when we started talking again i
was thinking of our wedding that we should be having
in a couple of years.
i thought of what i was going to do to make that day
special for you like no other wedding that you could
cherish and be happy you decided to chose me over
everyone else.
and i am sure you want to know what i came up
with...right..should i wait until the day of our
wedding to tell you???????????

no i must tell u now or that day may never come.
i thought of a poem.
so far all i have is this and i must tell you that
this is a rough draft.
              from the first
from the first day i saw you
looking in those blue eyes

i will have to tell you the res tomorrow because i
have to go lie down to think of the rest
i had another verse that went something like
from the firs day we met...
from the firs day we...
that is why i called it from the first because
evrything started with from the first.sorry but i have
alot on my mind and like i said i get nervous when i
think of you...

iwas watrching a movie today that i have seen bofore
and when i was done i got all happy.u know when you
watch a movie and you feel all in a good mood.
i wanted you to be there so that we could have been in
a good mood together.